I’ve always had trouble making big decisions. Hell, I have trouble making small decisions. I’ve spent my whole life being indecisive.
So, basically, planning a wedding is hell.
There are so many things to consider. So many things to worry about. Dresses, venues, guests, the date… The list is never-ending. About the only thing I’m not indecisive about is the location. Gods be damned I’m getting married in Acadia National Park.
It’s stressful. Like sit-in-the-car-eating-ice-cream-and-crying stressful. And it shouldn’t be. It should be joyous, instead it’s making me want to crawl under a rock.
I think some of it’s because, as much as my Slytherin self hates to admit it, I’m a serial people pleaser. I hate hurting, or disappointing others. I want to make sure everyone else is happy before I worry about myself.
Part of it, too, is the emotional aspect. As I mentioned in my last post, emotions aren’t really my ~thing~ . I’m so uncomfortable with the fact that everything wedding related is super fucking mushy. All of the stereotypical gifts for the parents and the bridal party are just so… emotional, and it’s just… repulsive. (Side note – why do you have to buy other people gifts at your wedding??)
So for the last six months, I’ve been trying to plan a stupid, stereotypical wedding that caters to what everyone else wants and is far too open and vulnerable for me to be comfortable with.
But that’s not what I want.
I don’t want a wedding that makes Seth’s Mom happy. I don’t want a wedding that makes MY Mum happy. I don’t want to care about other people at all.
Our wedding should be about us.
I don’t know what that means just yet. I’ll figure it out. Probably.